I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
