I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
