I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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