can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
