How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
