Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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