Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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