I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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