I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
