According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
