I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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