I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
