we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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