Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I CAN MOONWALK!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
