the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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