remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
