Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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