What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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