They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
