im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
