RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
