So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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