so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
