All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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