I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
