; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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