is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
