everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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