My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
