it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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