thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
