his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is the high leading the old right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
