He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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