Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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