i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
