At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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