If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
