Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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