I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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