you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
