I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
