dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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