You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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