I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
