I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You made out with two different species that night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
