I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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