you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
