Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
