party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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