oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
